Agony

 

It's 3:28 am and sleep is impossible. 

The pain in my throat is unlike anything I have ever experienced. I find myself fighting tears as I thrash around seeking relief. 

I imagine this  is how it would feel to have acid dumped into my throat with a mixture of broken glass and razor blades.

 I have called for the nurse but it's not time yet for my next dose.

There will be a period of waiting through the intense discomfort.

Tossing and turning, I open my scriptures app and search the word "agony".  

"being in an agony he prayed more earnestly, Luke 22:44."

Jesus Christ faced his own intense agony.

An agony which we can never come close to rivaling.

An agony which allows Him to perfectly succor each of us individually.

And his response was to pray more earnestly.

More sincerely.

With a greater heart for learning and growing.

I still hate this. 

I still feel like I have perhaps had a bit more than my share of suffering.  

And I really wish this cup could be removed. 

But since that will take a bit of a process, I can work on praying more earnestly. 

Elder Clinton Cutler promised,  "The Lord’s peace comes not without pain, but in the midst of pain.”

Elder Rex D Pinegar further explained, "There is terrible suffering in our world today. Tragic things happen to good people. God does not cause them, nor does He always prevent them. He does, however, strengthen us and bless us with His peace, through earnest prayer."

So I talk to my Savior as the minutes tick by.  

I still have to wait, but it becomes a consecrated time.  

A time to seek wisdom and learning from

the greatest teacher of all.

A time to simply know I am not alone.  

And deeply loved. 

And finally the medicine comes and with it relief and I drift off into a healing sleep.