The Sacrament

 I am usually a fairly frugal person.  Sometimes probably too much so.  But I made a very intentional purchase last summer.  I wanted to remember the experience of studying and worshiping in our home as a family during this pandemic.  So I ordered this personalized Sacrament tray. 

I wanted to remember Jett and Onyx trying to snag the pieces of bread when we closed our eyes to pray. And the laughter as we had to start over.

I wanted to remember the kids asking deep questions and us searching the scriptures together.

I wanted to remember Alex getting up in the middle of our meeting to heat up a cinnamon roll. Or Kyrie and Colton on lag time from Utah as we learned we couldn't all sing together on zoom.  Or all four kids bearing testimony following a difficulty our family endured and that each member was in a different place for healing and that was okay.  

I wanted to remember that even when two strong willed people made marriage challenging,  that when we focused on Christ and how He could help us things got better. 

I wanted to remember that sometimes in Sunday clothes and sometimes with teens in pjs wrapped in blankets, we tried to invite the Spirit in.

I wanted to remember that our imperfect worship still blessed me and my family.  

I wanted to remember that even in difficult times I could choose to Come Follow Him first.  

Because sometimes I miss days (or weeks).  Some days I mostly go through the motions.  Sometimes I feel too distracted or too numb to get much out of it.  Sometimes I'm too mad or focused on other's perceived wrongs and I forget that mine is the only heart I can change.

I've since learned that there is more that I want to remember.

I want to remember reading in 3 Nephi when Jesus was with the people and when it was time to leave he saw the tears in their eyes and filled with compassion He stayed a little longer. I want to remember the times He has stayed a little longer with me. 

I want to remember when He called for all with illnesses and afflictions of any kind to come to him and he healed them.  I want to remember the healing I have  seen- physical, emotional and spiritual, and that which I know will come someday, but probably not in this life. 

I want to remember His mercy and grace as the people from the crowd approached Him one by one. 

I wonder if there were those who sat back and didn't go forward for any number of reasons. Maybe shame or guilt, or maybe they weren't sure they were worth his time.  Or if maybe some waited at first and then seeing the miraculous healing of others rushed in to make sure they also got to take part.  

Where would I have been? 

Where am I now? 

Can you imagine what it would have been like to approach the Savior with your addictions and insecurities, your guilt and your difficulties and to literally lay them at his feet and be healed one by one? 

I want to remember that I can.  He is waiting. 

Even for those of us who perhaps hang back a little longer.  

That's what I want to remember.  Every time I take the Sacrament and promise to remember Him.