Truth Be Told

 These used to be among my most difficult posts to write but they've become my favorite.  Only God can take my weaknesses and failures and turn them into something beautiful for someone else. 

In case you need to feel better or at least have some solidarity, it's January 8th and I have successfully failed at all of my resolutions - including the one where I just pick a word. Why? Because humanity is a hard gig.  It just is.

I'm choosing to be okay with that though.  You know why? Because I'm still facing the right direction. 

I ate a banana for breakfast today and then a yogurt for lunch.  And then went ahead and ate the rest of the Dove Christmas chocolates to get them gone so I can start eating right.  

I went to work and at car line I welcomed students with a cheerful smile dutifully reminding kids to put on their masks as required only to realize when I went inside I had forgotten mine.  No matter where you stand on masks I  am  sure you can see the obvious hypocrisy. 🤦‍♀️ 

I was going to go on my walk today but when I got to the mailbox I decided I would rather go back inside.  So I did.

My family has had prepackaged food every night this week.  I'm hoping the preservatives preserve them. There is seriously no judgement there, I just know my body works better if I eat a bit cleaner.😬

I've let the choices and failures of others at multiple levels bring me down.  

I forgot Alex had a meeting with a teacher and needed the car.  So she missed her meeting.  

I made it home and let her have the car way too late but as soon as she left my coworker emailed.  Did I remember to turn in my signed administrative paperwork to start testing next week.? That would be no....

I thought about all the things I could accomplish tonight and after even setting aside my book I had been reading I watched a video of a lady cleaning her house for 30 minutes.  Not even kidding.  Instead of doing anything here, I watched her clean her house.

My house is tolerably clean already but only because I clean when I'm mad and I lost my temper and threw a fit last night, even after I had promised not to. 

I've burned food so badly this week TWICE that our dogs wouldn't even touch it and after scouring a pot for four days I threw it away last night.  For real. 

I prayed but it was on my drive to school while running late.

And I miscalculated one of my bigger payments this month which means it's going to be super tight for the next bit.  

I didn't get some news I was hoping to.  Sometimes that is just how it goes.

I disappointed a friend. 

But.  I haven't quit.  Not on my body.  Not as a mom.  Not as a wife.  Not as a homemaker.  Not as a teacher.  Not as a friend.  And certainly not as a daughter of God.  

God must have known we would need a lot of tomorrows....

The words of this song by Matthew West have been running through my head all week.  Watch this amazing video.

https://youtu.be/j4wYkS8Z3Io

The truth is sometimes my expectations for myself are a bit crazy. 

The truth is He already knows my heart, the sins I've repented of, the ones I'm struggling with, the things I long for and what I'm hoping and trying to do. 

The truth is he knows what I really mean when hurtful words come out and when I listen He is teaching me better ways of saying it. He's softening my rough edges. 

The truth is when he says his burden is light it's because He is not the one heaping expectations on me. 

John 8:32 "And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."

Sometimes I spend too much time looking down in discouragement but the truth is when I look up and know I am still facing Him, no matter how far away it feels, I'm okay. Because He is the Master of closing the gap.