Emotions

 I walked into the kindergarten classroom to pick up my student and found him in uncontrollable tears.  He had spent all of recess digging for worms but didn't find one.  I knelt down next to him and listened and then gently led him down the hall to retrieve students from the other class.  

When we got to my room the other students asked him what was wrong. We have worked hard on identifying and labeling various feelings and building appropriate skills to deal with them.  

"I feel disappointment,"he said still wiping his tears. "I feel it right here." He put his little hand at the base of his throat. "Like it's small in there."

"He was hoping to find a worm today but he didn't'." I explained to the others. 

We wished him well and started our music for the class.  I let him remain lying down as the music started and about half way through he started singing along and then sat up.  

As we moved into reading our story, he suddenly interrupted, "Mrs. Potter, look. I'm feeling happy now and my neck is better. And I didn't knock the books down or kick. Can you help me find a worm later?"

I nodded and he gave me another hug and we moved on with our day.  He was learning and improving.  

This is a very simple example but the ability to notice, feel and choose our responses to emotions is very important. 

I could have said, "Stop your crying it's time for class." Or "the ground is still mostly frozen of course you didn't find worms."  

But allowing kids to feel their emotions while also holding them accountable for hurtful behavior that results and teaching them skills to use instead is incredibly helpful. 

It's also true for adults.  

Shelly Johnson-Choong explains, "We can’t find true joy if we’re spending our energy trying to block our challenging emotions. This action closes us off and trades all our emotional experiences, including joy, for becoming numb.

When we try to cherry pick our feelings, we make our world smaller, and we decrease our ability to be feel desirable emotions, including joy. Even love can be diminished. As Lehi described, there must be opposition in all things (2 Nephi 2:11). This includes emotion. Let yourself feel."

Learning to recognize my emotions and especially to identify the tell tale signs that I'm starting to "lose it" has been a process.  (My family could tell you what those are!!😬).  But I have learned that when I start to find my thoughts racing and my stomach churning I need to choose my response then, and not wait until I become so emotional that I say and do things I will regret.   

Even when it's understandable why I was upset or angry I'm still responsible for my choices and the way I treat others.  That what responsible means- able to choose my response and accept the blame or credit that comes with it. 

As Charles Penrose wrote in a hymn,

"School thy feelings, O my brother; 

Train thy warm impulsive soul; 

Do not its emotions smother,

But let wisdom's voice control.

School thy feelings; there is power

In the cool, collected mind; 

Passion shatters reason's tower,

Makes the clearest vision blind."

Don't smother our emotions, but learn to control our responses.  

Dr Becky Bailey teaches, "Emotions aren't bad guys; they serve vital purposes in our lives. We do not need to control them; we need to become actively aware of them, manage them, listen to their message for returning to our highest values and then learn how to express them more appropriately.  Feelings are the bridge between problems and solutions."