Joy

 

Sometimes we have to do hard things.  

And sometimes doing the hard thing is actually thinking that you will be doing nothing but instead figuring out what to do instead.

Last night my oldest two daughters had scheduled to go to the temple for the first time to take our their endowments.  Their gifts from Heavenly Father.

They wanted to and were ready to make some new covenants and continue on their personal spiritual growth.  They had prayed and studied and prepared.  

And of course I had planned to be there with them with excitement and joy! 

As this week progressed, I knew I couldn't be there.  As I prayed- and prayer has been an almost constant conversation with God this week- I felt very strongly this should be entirely their decision as to whether they continued as scheduled or delayed for me.

They prayed and knew that what they were doing was righteous and necessary and really wasn't about me so they continued as planned.

I felt nothing but pure peace and joy for them.  I knew I SHOULD be feeling intense disappointment but I just wasn't.  The Spirit kept reassuring me that all was well.

I have learned to ask a very important and useful question in difficult times.  

Of course it was a good and righteous thing for me to want to be there.

Of course it didn't feel fair.  

But I took the opportunity to ask "Okay, if not this, than what instead?"  

If I can't be their in person physically, what can I do? And answers came.

So I asked some close friends to serve as escorts.  

And I thanked those the girls had asked to be there with them.  

I made lists to send them of what to pack and how to prepare.

I asked a few friends and relatives to send their thoughts and own testimonies, including struggles and questions, to the girls as well.  

That included their brother and my sweet daughter-in-law who then shared scriptures that helped her but also stayed up until 3 am texting to help my girls have as beautiful of an experience as possible.  

And I got to listen afterward as they called me. And their dad and hear the joy firsthand.  

I was brought back to a moment years ago when I had the realization that Satan was twisting the good and loving hearts of moms by making us think we need to teach our kids we will always be there. 

That we come first in their lives.  That we are the hero.  Because we love so big.  

And that's all true and wonderful.  But we can't always be there.  But there is someone who can.  

When I began shifting to anchor my kids' faith in Jesus Christ and not in me and their dad, it was hard.  I wanted to be at everything and the one who they go to. 

But last night was another reminder that I can't always be there.  But He was and will be.  And often it will be through the giving hearts and hands of others. 

And if I could have complete peace and so could they as I laid in a hospital bed and they went through the temple I knew His promise of peace is sure.

I knew that we can find joy not only in spite of the trials but in the midst of them.  

I knew that while disappointment is real, and

things aren't going as I had hoped or planned, that I am not alone and neither are they.

And when I saw this picture and the pure joy and love and beauty of these amazing girls, who are imperfect and struggling like the rest of us but trying to follow the Savior to the best of their ability, I was overwhelmed with love and peace.  

And this scripture from John came clearly to mind. "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."