Healing

 

I've spent a couple of days in a pity party as I tested positive for yet another round of covid. So I'm coughing and have chills and aches that are screaming through my freshly torn knee injury and threatening to rupture my eardrums.  Walking up and down the stairs is a production.  

I think it has been particularly frustrating because I didn't think I could get it now.  Since I had it in June (when I was hospitalized) I thought I had immunity.  The official guideline said I did.  

And yet here I am.  

It's when things don't go as expected or we feel blindsided by life that it can be most difficult to hold onto not just our faith, but our sanity.  

When I can think of all the good things I could be doing and accomplishing if my health would give me half a chance, I get frustrated.  

And I know that Jesus could step in and heal me.  Not just of Covid, but of Lupus and its many complications.  But I don't think that's his plan. 

I don't pretend to know why, but I do have faith that I can learn and grow through trials.  

I have absolute surety that Jesus Christ is there with me, no matter what.  And I believe that healing doesn't always mean what we think it means.

As Elder Matthew S Holland promised, "There may be no family member, friend, or priesthood leader—however sensitive and well-meaning each may be—who knows exactly what you are feeling or has the precise words to help you heal. But know this: there is One who understands perfectly what you are experiencing, who is “mightier than all the earth,” and who is “able to do exceeding abundantly above all that [you] ask or think.”The process will unfold in His way and on His schedule, but Christ stands ready always to heal every ounce and aspect of your agony."

I trust his timing and I show that trust by looking around and counting my blessings amidst the trials.  Texts to check in, groceries and meals left on our doorstep, a husband who can take care of my injuries, a safe home to convalesce in and scriptures to help me stay grounded in truth and love.  

He truly does exceedingly above all that I ask.  Even if it looks different than I asked.  And I'm grateful.