Today is a New Day

 

It was one of those days...in the midst of one of those weeks.

Two close friends are going through really hard personal things.  Two others  are going through cancer.  And there is a weariness that comes from helping carry that burden.  

My manageable lupus was feeling very unmanageable.  

And the personal events others had gone through were triggering some negative thoughts that I let cascade into raging thoughts of failure and discouragement.

Why was I still struggling with the same things? 

And then, even though I could rationally see I wasn't being rational, I still spiraled. 

I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Some things were dumb.  I made waffles for Ella and her friends and left the last one in the waffle iron for 45 minutes.  Yeah.  Black and gross. So naturally I surmised that I am the very worst cook ever.

I sent an email to a coworker that was pretty snippy on Friday night and woke up Saturday morning incredibly grateful that she said it seemed out of character.  My principal thanked me for owning it and fixing it.  But I didn't want to own it and fix it, I wanted to UNDO it!!!

I missed a meeting.  I threw up at school and had to take the day off. 

And somethings were bigger, and deeper and darker.  The parts of me I like least.  The parts of me that say why bother, you'll never get it right, just quit already. 

And then today was the real zinger.  

I cancelled my seminary class because I was still up at midnight and knew I wouldn't be able to sleep without medicine to numb the nerve pain but wouldn't wake up in time if I took it.  (And bless that stuff by the way).  I knew the students would be relieved, they were all so tired yesterday and trying so hard!

And then I got to work and realized I had forgotten my phone.  Which is my complete personal assistant.  I needed to teach a model lesson to a class at 8:00 I wasn't at all prepared for, and lead professional development that I just couldn't get flowing.

I had forgotten my lunch too.  And hadn't had breakfast.  So now I was tired, hungry AND unprepared. 

And then the announcement came on reminding us that all staff who had signed up for the Thanksgiving dinner needed their money turned in today.  And I was $1.50 short. 

And at that point I sat at my desk and started to cry.  OVER $1.50 FOR A PLATE OF CAFETERIA TURKEY!! 

And that made me even more mad.  And sad. 

And the whole dumb sob story came blubbering out.  

And then one friend covered my morning hall duty to give me time to prep.  And another reminded me I can do this in my sleep- she's seen it.  And I pulled myself together and went to teach.  

And my nose was still running so I modeled wiping my nose and washing my hands and was grateful I was in a kindergarten. 

And my lesson went not just fine, but good.  And the teacher was appreciative. 

And I went back to my room and sent an email to everyone letting them know I didn't have my phone but to come and tell me if I missed something.

And I opened my next email and it said simply "Today is a New Day."

And the words spoke to my heart.  And I decided I could start my new day at 9:47 am. 

And I did.  

I still didn't have my phone, but I was probably more present and a better listener than I usually am (and of the 47 texts waiting when I got home not a single one was urgent). 

I still didn't have my lunch, but I was so busy connecting with people I was just fine.

I still didn't feel great, but I was able to distract myself with good and that's often as good as medicine. 

And  most of all I knew that because of the Savior I could leave yesterday in yesterday and start again.  I could have a new day.  I could be my best self even after I messed things up.  Even the deeper, darker parts.  

And in return I could offer others the chance to have a new day too.  And then I cried again.  But this time tears of gratitude.  

And I made it through the day.  And it wasn't perfect.  And I'm not all caught up.  And I don't say all the right things or win any awards.  But I showed up.  And I pitched in.  And I let other help me.  And I celebrated the good where I saw it.  And that was enough.  

So no matter how terrible your yesterdays were.  No matter which parts were your fault or others, Heavenly Father sent his son, Jesus Christ to rescue us.  To change us.  To

give us a new day.  

And the cafeteria is letting me pay for my turkey in the morning, and I already put my $1.50 in my backpack.