This Mama Prays

 

"I see my mother kneeling, with our family each day.  I hear the words she whispers as she bows her head to pray."

The lyrics by Janice Kapp Perry are from a song that I love- "Love is spoken here."

But it was always much more of an end goal and a moving target for me.  

My kids rarely saw me kneeling.  I've had nine knee surgeries over the course of my life and my joints remind me regularly that I can go down but coming back up may be difficult! 

Our song would be more like this.

I see my mother praying after the first time my dad hits the brakes last second and she remembers we didn't pray before we left.

Or I see my mother leaning against the wall and tapping her foot so we can get through scriptures and prayers and go to bed.

Or maybe I used to see my mother kneeling by my bed when I was little but now she goes to bed before me.

My kids probably heard my voice raised more than whispered.

And they aren't sure if I'm playing a game, scrolling or doing gospel study when they see me on my phone. (It's a toss up depending on the moment). 

I'm at a stage now where I can look back and see the results of my actions- both good and bad.

And now my kids are mostly living elsewhere and I hope they know I still pray for them.

Not perfectly.  

Sometimes I fall asleep, am running last minute or just slogging through the details.

But I pray for them.  

And yesterday my 24 year old daughter brought me a shirt.  She said she knew it was for me when she saw it.

The navy background has pink lettering that spells out a simple message.

"This Mama prays."

She knows I pray.  

That I pray for my kids.

She saw my imperfect efforts enough times to know that this is how I operate.

I pray.

So to all you other mamas out there.

Keep going and keep praying.  

Maybe not always kneeling and with a whisper, but keep praying.

They will know and it will matter.