Past

 

I work with kids who, like me, are very imperfect.

One of my students has been working SO hard on setting new habits and overcoming some of his difficulties.  

But yesterday he slid back a bit.  He was so frustrated and angry- especially with himself.

It felt like all the hard work was for nothing.

Like there was no hope.

Why bother when he ends up right where he felt like he started.

But I had a different view.

He was mad at himself instead of blaming everyone else- parents, classmates, teachers, coaches- anyone but him.  

This time he was owning it.  And it hurt, badly,  but it’s such an important step.  

If he owns it, he can work on it. 

So we played a game of checkers so he knew I hadn’t given up on him.  That our relationship was still intact.  I was disappointed for him, not in him. 

And we reevaluated and adjusted his goals and checked in with others who help him.

He apologized and made things right. And some of his freedoms were tightened up again.  He hadn’t handled them as well as he had hoped. But he can try again, with support. 

And today he did better.  And as he left, I noted the sticker on his computer.

“Don’t trip over the past on your way forward.”  And I smiled. 

It made me think of how there are things I struggle with.  And I try hard and quit and beat myself up.   

I find it hard to pray when I feel like I’ve been here before.  That Heavenly Father must tire of me struggling with the same old things and sliding backwards.  

That I let Him down.

But maybe He is disappointed FOR me, not IN me.  And helps me reevaluate and wants me to let the mistakes of the past teach and guide me, but not be something I kick along in front of me and then wonder why I am tripping.

We are not expected to be perfect in this life. 

Elder Jorg Klebingat counseled, “...acknowledge and face your weaknesses, but don’t be immobilized by them, because some of them will be your companions until you depart this earth life. No matter what your current status, the very moment you voluntarily choose honest, joyful, daily repentance by striving to simply do and be your very best, the Savior’s Atonement envelops and follows you, as it were, wherever you go. Living in this manner, you can truly “always retain a remission of your sins”  (Mosiah 4:12) every hour of every day, every second of every minute, and thus be fully clean and acceptable before God all the time.”

He WANTS to forgive us.  And for us to be more gentle with ourselves when our honest efforts fall short of the goal.  

Perfection is a process.  And ALL of us will have a “past” as a part of our mortal experience.  But we don’t need to trip on it as we find our way forward with the Savior’s help.