Connection

 I had a beautiful moment of reconciliation I got to witness today.

A young boy had said something hateful and racist  to a Muslim girl to make a friend laugh.

He hadn’t started it, but he was in the wrong.

And she had been in tears reporting it.

His parents responded with concern and horror for their child’s actions.  They not only sent him to school with a hand-written apology, but also pled with us to find a way for him to do more.

So after brainstorming with other administration, and asking the victim if she was willing, we had a plan.

One thing the girl was tired of was people only seeing her as her religion and not as her unique self as a person.  (I think we can all relate to this in some facet or another).

So I had the young man come up with a list of 15 questions to ask her to get to know her.

Then we sat down together and he started down the list.

Her vulnerability in offering him grace and learning were inspiring.

His humility in owning his bad behavior and working to make it right were sobering.

30 minutes later they were laughing together about the chores they each have to do at home and had connected as teens.

And then I gently prompted him to ask her what she would have wanted him to do when the situation arose and his friend had started the cruelty.

With a fire in her eyes she said she would have wanted him to stand up for her, not join in.

“What would that sound like?” I led.

“It would sound like this.  Stop it!  That’s wrong- and you know it’s wrong!”

And at that moment he pledged to be her ally moving forward.

As Elder Uchtdorf taught, “This topic of judging others could actually be taught in a two-word sermon. When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm, please apply the following:

Stop it!

It’s that simple. We simply have to stop judging others and replace judgmental thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love for God and His children.”

But in the same talk he also cautioned, “Jesus taught: “Forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not … [stands] condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin”and “Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.

Of course, these words seem perfectly reasonable—when applied to someone else. We can so clearly and easily see the harmful results that come when others judge and hold grudges. And we certainly don’t like it when people judge us.  But when it comes to our own prejudices and grievances, we too often justify our anger as righteous and our judgment as reliable and only appropriate. Though we cannot look into another’s heart, we assume that we know a bad motive or even a bad person when we see one. We make exceptions when it comes to our own bitterness because we feel that, in our case, we have all the information we need to hold someone else in contempt.”

And two brave junior high students, once again showed me the way we should live.

The way we should repair breached relationships.

That learning and connecting is the real antidote to hate.

That mercy and forgiveness make room for joy and new friendships.