Pancake Stirrers

 Have you ever found yourself super upset over a rather simple offense?

Generally when that happens it is actually due to much more than that incident.  

It is likely just that incident that was the last straw, or used up your final bit of patience.

Yesterday I had a student come to my room absolutely outraged.  

She has a significant trauma history and so has learned to fight at all costs.

Her counselors and our staff are working to help her build some new, more effective ways of dealing with frustration and confrontation.

In this instance her role in her culinary arts class was to stir the pancake batter.  

Only someone else did and her immediate reaction was to want to fight her.

She knew that wasn’t appropriate so walked out and came to my room.

After she had vented and calmed down, we talked through it.  

Humor is a very effective tool for her so after gauging her body language I simply asked, “Are you going to let your whole day be ruined because someone else stirred the pancakes?”.

She started to laugh and said, “When you say it like that it sounds stupid.”

I told her I understood that her anger had really been because a boundary had been crossed and she didn’t get to perform her role, but that we could still think about it this way to take control back.

Then we practiced what she would do if she saw her in the hall.  She didn’t even know the girl’s name so we called her “pancake stirrer”.   We practiced saying “Hey pancake stirrer this is my day not yours.”  

Each time she laughed and it became more natural.  Then she practiced just saying it in her head.  

We also practiced how she could state that she was the stirrer in a polite way next time. 

She then was able to retrieve her iPad and complete some classwork before returning to her next class.

Interestingly enough, over the course of the day, I found myself irritated or triggered, by several incidents.  

Each time the words “Hey pancake stirrer, this is my day not yours” came to mind.  

“Hey Failure to Signal, this is my day not yours.”

“Hey Rude Concessions Customer this is my day not yours.”

“Hey Coworker Who Shirked Your Duty this is my day not yours.”

And each time I smiled and simply let it go. 

And the reality is I have been a short customer, forgotten to signal when distracted, and I missed a meeting just last week.  

I’m not perfect either.

I loved what Elder David A Bednar promised about this often difficult process:

“Through the strengthening power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, you and I can be blessed to avoid and triumph over offense.”

It will probably take practice.

And this is just one way we can work on it.

But through the strengthening power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, BECAUSE  he knows exactly what it feels like to be offended, we can start practicing with the little things. 

We can choose not to let the pancake stirrers hijack  our days.