Respect

 

Today I had an interesting conversation with a gentleman who once was part of the Harlem Globetrotters and then spent years as both a high school official and volunteer for youth programs.

He said that of all the traits he had seen in his 40 years of experience, one stood out above all the rest in predicting who would be successful, not only in higher level athletics, but also in life.

He said, “Show me a kid who shows respect to his  (or her) coach and parents and that’s the one who will make something of themselves.”

“Yeah, they gotta work hard.  And a few of them might have some real talent.  But without that respect - they are going to lose all their chances.”

As parents, this is our responsibility to teach our children.

In one of my favorite addresses given by President James E Faust he instructed, “Among the other values children should be taught are respect for others, beginning with the child’s own parents and family; respect for the symbols of faith and patriotic beliefs of others; respect for law and order; respect for the property of others; respect for authority. Paul reminds us that children should “learn first to shew piety at home.” 

Great.  So we need to teach them to be respectful. 

But what does that LOOK like? Here are some things that I have found to be helpful.

It’s a blend of these components:

1. Modeling- children learn to do and say what they see and hear.  It Is highly unlikely that a child will feel It necessary to show reapect to a parent that they hear bad-mouthed or shown disrespect by the other parent.  Even if we disagree with a coach’s decisions we can still speak about that in a respectful manner.    

2. Respect grows out of connection-  children are more likely to listen and learn from a secure place when they feel safe and seen.  This comes from quality time spent together and meaningful conversations, even if it is just a few minutes at a time.

3.  Expect a learning curve- sometimes what is perceived as disrespectful is really the lack of having been taught the skill.  For example you can teach them to “listen for the pause” instead of interrupting or to “put your hand on my arm and wait when you need my attention”. And remember  that mistakes are an opportunity to learn.

4. Be clear and consistent with expectations and consequences.

5. Celebrate the good!  When respectful actions happen make a big deal out of it.  We get more of what we focus on.

Yes it’s a lot of work.  

But President Faust also reminded us why it  worth it.  

“While few human challenges are greater than that of being good parents, few opportunities offer greater potential for joy. Surely no more important work is to be done in this world than preparing our children to be God-fearing, happy, honorable, and productive. Parents will find no more fulfilling happiness than to have their children honor them and their teachings. It is the glory of parenthood.”