Stronger Through Him

 Fun fact about my husband.  He hates any hymn or song about sunshine.  I think maybe he  doesn't like the idea of forced cheerfulness.   There is no sunshine in his soul.   It won't make his pathway bright. And he especially dislikes the image of skipping along scattering sunshine. Sunshine just isn't his thing.  In our family it's a running joke. I may have told a couple of his friends who now send text messages with sun emojis to him when we sing those songs at church.  I appreciate these people.  Fortunately he still appreciates me. 😂 But here's the thing.   He doesn't have to like the sunshine songs.  You don't have to like all the hymns for salvation.  You just don't.  When I have the chance I pick other songs rather than ones I know he doesn't like.  And he has taught me some of his favorites.  But here's the other thing.  He hasn't called for the elimination of the sunshine hymns.  He is okay with me liking them and finding inspirati

  The early church faced heavy persecution.  They were chased from their homes, physically assaulted and tar-and-feathered.  They were cheated, falsely accused and arrested.  The seemingly endless tormenting, badgering and slandering wore them down.  How exhausting that must have been, for trying to follow their God. I imagine it was with a pretty heavy heart that Joseph approached the Lord in prayer at this time.  To his great joy he received a revelation reminding the Saints of the bigger picture.  The Savior would come again but there would be great difficulties first.  Prophecies would be fulfilled.   So the Saints could shift their perspective and remember the calamities were also signs that His word could be trusted.  There would be times of war, iniquity, people living without love, turning their hearts away from God as they listened to people more than His word.  There would be sickness covering the land and people killing one another.  It sounds a lot like our day, doesn't

 We were driving down the road when we passed a car with this sassy message simultaneously prompting caution in speed and contemplation in life.   Do I?  Do I follow Jesus? How closely?  Jesus uses the phrase "follow me" 28 times in the scriptures.   Am I as careful to follow him along my route as I am to get to my next destination? Luke Chapter 9 reminds us why we would follow him.   23¶ And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. 24For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it. 25For what is a man advantaged, if he gain the whole world, and lose himself, or be cast away? To paraphrase another quote, in the end if we aren't following Jesus it won't matter who or what we followed instead.

 Heads up that this post contains the death of an infant. It's also a long and difficult but beautiful story.  It testifies of God's love for all, the way He connects us with others and how He strengthens us to serve in difficult ways.  Years ago I had a young friend I will call Kim who I met at church when she was a girl.  She didn't come more than a few times but I had a special place in my heart for her. I would go out of my way to stop at the various fast food restaurants she worked at and she always had a cheerful hello.   A year or so after she graduated,  following a prompting, I reconnected with her on facebook and was saddened to learn that her first child, born that year, had only lived a few days. My heart hurt for her and as I introduced her to visiting teachers and reached out to her in genuine friendship we became closer.  I shared her celebration when she announced with great excitement that she and her husband were expecting again.  I also shared her anguish

 I was sitting in church one Sunday and when it came time to pray I watched a beautiful little girl carefully lace her chubby fingers together and gently bow her head. My heart swelled with joy at this tender moment.  She had been taught to pray.  Imagine the difference that makes in a life. To know she is a child of a loving God and that she can talk to Him.  What could be more impactful?  Parenting is hard work.  Our society makes it difficult to hold onto the joy and to always be focusing on yet another way we may have gotten it wrong and scarred them for life.   Much of the work feels monotonous and tiring.  It can feel thankless and messy and unglamorous. It is also full of thousands of smiles and glimpses of Heaven.   And all those tiny services and teaching moments weave together backdrops for precious souls to thrive.  This is incredibly holy work. So holy that Jesus himself instructed,  "Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the king

  Last night Alex was invited to a zoom call with a group of Christian students who were interviewing the director, producer and an actress from The Chosen. She was kind enough to let me listen in.   It was encouraging to watch groups of young people come together and talk about how to make sharing Jesus a part of their lives and also to hear how the show had touched many of them as they reflected on what Jesus means to them. Dallas Jenkins, the director, specifically commented on how he chose to focus on the humanity side of Jesus.  He said that Christians sometimes hesitate to focus on that because we don't want to take away from His divinity.   But his humanity is the part we can relate to.   His human traits are those we can learn about and copy.   We can be like Him precisely because we are human too.   We can read in Matthew 4:2 where "he was afterwards an hungered and was left to be tempted of the devil".  I've been hungry and tempted before too.  How did he re

  "It is easier to feel worthless than it is to feel responsible."  This powerful quote from Dr. Becky Bailey stopped me in my tracks.   I was in a seminar and the topic for that week was using mistakes as opportunities to grow.  But the crux of the entire lecture concluded with her saying that without accepting this piece of truth, we wouldn't be able to embrace the opportunities and would find ourselves making the same mistakes again and again. She identified four common ways we put up defenses (And reminded us not to get defensive about our defenses) that prevent us from learning from our mistakes and being better able to handle things the next time. That happens when we transfer the energy that could go into learning and changing into something else less productive.  I'm pretty proficient in all four😬. The first is apathy.  Saying you don't care and simply disconnecting yourself from the consequences or lost potential of the mistakes made.  It takes emotional

 There is something innate in humans that draws our eyes toward the heavens.  Rainbows, starry nights, sunsets, sunrises.  It's as if we recognize the Creator's style, touch and signature saying look here, be still.  And know that I am God.   President Nelson has testified, "The Creation itself testifies of a Creator. We cannot disregard the divine in the Creation. Without our grateful awareness of God’s hand in the Creation, we would be just as oblivious to our provider as are goldfish swimming in a bowl. With deep gratitude, we echo the words of the Psalmist, who said, “O Lord, how manifold are thy works! in wisdom hast thou made them all: the earth is full of thy riches.”  How do we show our gratitude for this home which we were given?  President Nelson continues, "As beneficiaries of the divine Creation, what shall we do? We should care for the earth, be wise stewards over it, and preserve it for future generations." I would add that we also shouldn't tak

 On Sunday I was taking notes during Sacrament meeting and attempted to write down this quote from Marion G Romney.  "Service is the very fiber of which an exalted life in the celestial kingdom is made."  But when I typed it into my phone, it autocorrected exalted to exhausted.  It made me laugh because there are times when service can indeed leave me feeling exhausted.  I pondered on what makes it exalting and what makes it exhausting.   Exalted means to lift higher, to a more noble character.  I think that means focusing more on the spiritual principles than necessarily the temporal presentation of the service.  It also means aligning it with our own abilities, and availabilities.   Kathleen Hughes counseled, "Sometimes we are our own worst enemies. Let’s simplify. The message of a good lesson comes through spiritual preparation. Let’s put our focus on the principles of the gospel and on the material in our study guides. Let’s prepare to create an interesting exchange

  Edward Partridge had met the Prophet Joseph Smith only two months before he was called to be the first bishop of the restored Gospel. His was a weighty responsibility which he wrestled with at times.  He wasn't perfect and was rebuked and called to repentance more than once.   He believed whole heartedly in doing whatever he could to help prepare for the Second Coming of the Savior.   Even if it meant giving up his successful hat making business.  Located not far from Lake Erie in Ohio, he was close enough to the west to have easy access to the fur trade and yet still able to have thriving trade with the cities in the east. He was talented and an astute businessman. Like many early Saints, he spent long periods of time away from his family.  He had conflicts at times with Sidney Rigdon and Joseph Smith.  Sometimes we forget that what is obvious to us in terms of policy and procedure wasn't so easily discerned by early leaders figuring it out with inspiration as they went. But

 Sometimes Satan seriously wants us to think that our contributions are insignificant or won't matter. That others are doing the big acts of goodness and service and that ours pale in comparison.   Sometimes it might feel like you don't have much of an influence or really matter, but nothing could be further from the truth.  Never underestimate the power of your ripples of goodness. Never doubt the ripple of words of faith, planted as seeds in a heart to later bloom at a needed moment. Never doubt the ripple of the loving touch as you rock a baby and teach him that there are places of safety and trust. Never doubt the ripple of standing next to someone who was feeling alone. Never doubt the ripple of forgiving someone and letting them try again. Never doubt the ripple of your creativity and talent making life a bit more comfortable and beautiful for those you love. Never doubt the ripple of your testimony, one tiny splash at a time touching the lives of others. As Virginia U Je

 When Ella was a toddler one of her best friends was "Measure",  a cloth measuring tape that she drug around all the time in her pillow case.  It reminded me that because she had been born so early we had to measure her development against her own time table and no one else's.   D&C 41:8 serves as a similar reminder for us all: "And again, it is meet that my servant Sidney Rigdon should live as seemeth him good, inasmuch as he keepeth my commandments."  I love this scripture.  I love that it starts with the word again.  They needed reminded and so do we. As long as he was keeping the commandments, Sidney could use his own judgment to live as he thought was best for him and his family. He got to figure it out and choose for himself. The same goes for us.  The comparison or measurement we make should be our lives against the commandments, not our lives against anyone else's.  This one is going on my fridge this week!

 Depression and Seeking Help I distinctly remember an extraordinarily difficult moment in my life.   Ella had been in the NICU for more than three months.  During the first few we had so much tangible support and I had made it through saving me and saving her but we were now at a day-in, day-out tedium point of the journey. People were still caring and praying and there was a tremendous influx of gifts, well-wishes and service leading up to the holidays.  But then people turned into their own homes for those special times, as they well should have.   Or maybe I just lost the distraction of the holidays.  I'm not sure.  January brought a post-holiday slump like nothing I had ever seen.  What I do know was that I was in the middle of doctors in one town trying to diagnose my autoimmune disorder while my baby was in a NICU two hours away and things I had been handling seemed too exhausting.  Like getting dressed.  And months of pumping that dang breast milk every few hours.  Mostly I

 I was in our preschool rooms today where they are watching pinto beans sprout.  The children get so excited watching the changes that "magically" occur.  We teach them how to ask questions and record observations and they love being scientists. Year after year, it never ceases  to amaze me how incredible it is that one tiny bean holds all the power and DNA and promise of plants and food to perpetuate life.  We are the same. We already have everything divinely created and placed inside us that we need to succeed eternally.  Elder M Russell Ballard testified, "Brothers and sisters, as the literal spirit children of our loving Heavenly Father (and Mother), we have unlimited, divine potential." "For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made." (Psalm 149:13-14). You are wonderfully made, carefully patterned after divinity and wired for success. Can you feel it? You may ha

  Many times when prayers don't seem answered we have truly done all we can do and may have to wait or accept that the path may not be what we had hoped.  But other times we get in the way of our own answers.   When I was in college a group of friends, much like my own kids now,  would take off on weekend road trips.  (I am also confident that in many cases our collective reasoning ability seemed to decrease as the number of young adults in the vehicle increased). One weekend four of us were headed from Pullman, WA to Portland, OR for a temple trip.  We laughed and sang and had fun together as we drove.  An important side note is that the week before I had been driving across campus when another young student driver didn't see my car and turned in front of me.  He was faulted for the accident, neither of us was injured but my car was in the shop and so I was driving my rental on our trip.  What I didn't realize was that this rental did not have a low fuel warning light like

 A few months ago I took Ella to her annual cardiologist visit.  It's expensive but necessary.  It costs us about $4,000 every January for that 2 hr visit.  And since it's January that means our deductible just started over so we have to pay the whole thing ourselves. On top of all the other medical bills and medications that keep us going.   We are incredibly grateful for her doctors and on this particular day her EKG looked much better and they didn't come and tell us any terrible news.  Which felt like great news.   But the bills always loom there and because we know it will just repeat each year it's a heavy weight.  God has always managed to provide and then some, and we do the best we can.  But I will be honest - it's just hard.   On this day as I was leaving, my friend Anastasia sent me this text: "That’s awesome! So glad it was a great appointment!! 🥰 Thank you Jesus!! I’ll be praying for provision to get all the tests paid for. Our Daddy owns a cattle

 Today I had a 5th Grade Muslim student I was helping give a test to.  As we walked down the hall her stomach was grumbling and she held her belly in embarrassment and then explained. "It's the first day of Ramadan.  So I had to get up at 4:00 this morning to eat before morning prayer and while it was still dark. It's hard to feel hungry and my mouth is dry.  But then I think of the needy and I am grateful that I don't feel like this all the time.  Some of them do.  That's important to remember, don't you think?" She asked if I have ever fasted.  I said yes, and in fact would be fasting for an acquaintance's baby this week and that in my faith we also fast monthly to consider the needs of the poor and donate for them.  "We donate to the needy too." She smiled and said, "I feel inside it's a good thing to understand each other." Isaiah 58 teaches powerfully of fasting. "Is not this the fast that I have chosen? to loose the b

 Yesterday afternoon the girls were out walking their dogs.  We also are in the middle of a yard project that removed a lot of our grass.   While they were gone it started to rain fairly heavily.  When they returned and walked across the construction zone they came in dripping wet and the dogs shook off spraying water all over the kitchen.  Then they bolted through the house leaving a trail of muddy paw prints behind them as they headed for the couches. I sighed and we began cleaning up the mess even as the girls shivered in their wet clothes. Alex glanced at her phone which had multiple friends posting on social media about the beautiful rainbows in the area.  I looked outside but only saw dark grey clouds and gloomy rain.  Alex commented, "I guess some people got rainbows and we got the wet dogs and mud." Isn't life like that?  At those moments isn't it easy to forget about all the rainbows you've seen in the past?  As I looked at the mess, with the smell of wet

 Even when giving direct inspiration God allows us our agency to determine whether and how we choose to follow it.  D&C 37:4 clearly states this: "Behold, here is wisdom, and let every man choose for himself until I come." Neil L Andersen teaches: "We respect each person’s choice and timing. The Lord said, “Let every man choose for himself.” A person’s lack of interest need not diminish our bonds of friendship and love. " In the book "The Glass Ocean" one character is bemoaning the fact that she was unable to save her alcoholic father.  She is playing through all of the what-if's desperately seeking something she missed.  She is counseled by her friend, "You absolutely cannot redeem another human being.  You just can't.  Only God can do that..... The only person whose behavior- whose goodness- you can control is your own. You just get up every day and do the best you can." One of my favorite poems was written by William Earnest Henley

 "Lift up your heart and rejoice, for the hour of your mission is come; and your tongue shall be loosed, and you shall declare glad tidings of great joy unto this generation."  (D&C 31:3). These words were spoken to Thomas Marsh in September 1830. Isaiah 52:7 echoes this message to all: "How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him that bringeth good tidings, that publisheth peace; that bringeth good tidings of good, that publisheth salvation; that saith unto Zion, Thy God reigneth!" Sometimes it can take courage to share the Good News of Jesus Christ with others.  I have learned through experience though, that sometimes my reservations are because I am trying to force it or trying to take over part of God's job.  All I really need is a willing heart and to be open to promptings to share with no expectations other than friendship and helping others. In May 2012, I was struggling with what I felt was my failure to be a better missionary.  I couldn'

  The blossoms are exploding across the trees everywhere I look this week.  While ours might be on Bradford Pear and Red Bud trees, rather than apricot trees, I can't help but smile as the melody and lyrics of "Popcorn Popping on the Apricot Tree" plays through my head. It reminds me of a parable shared with me when I was newly married that paralleled the Parable of the Sower in Matthew 13.  "Behold at the time of harvest, the ears of corn did bring forth kernels which were dried and prepared for the Popper’s hand. And then it was that the Popper did take the kernels, all that did appear alike unto Him, and applied the oil and the heat. And it came to pass that when the heat was on, some did explode with promise and did magnify themselves an hundred fold. And some did burst forth with beauty which did both gladden the eye and satisfy the taste of the Popper. And likewise some did pop, but not too much. Behold, there were some that did lie there, and even through the

  The vibrance of the daffodils, tulips and other perennials make me smile every year.   You know what I really love about them? That I only had to plant them once and they keep on coming back. As long as they get sunshine and water they keep blooming year after year. But then I looked around my flower bed and do you know what else comes back year after year? Weeds. Lots and lots of weeds.   I guess that's a lot like how life is.  There are some blessings we have that once we make the effort seem to just keep on giving.  There are also problems that have no difficulty cycling back through again and again.   Sister Cheiko Okazaki instructed: "But mortality is designed as part of the gospel plan to bring us mingled experiences with good and evil, that we may learn from experience to make wise choices. And many of these experiences are painful. In most congregations of sisters (and brothers), even in hearts and homes in apparently ideal circumstances, there are hidden heartaches

 Driving home from the airport, my 15 year old laid out a logical argument for stopping at the beach.  And for once instead of thinking about all the things I needed to do at home, I stopped. It was an unusually warm day for early April and even though the Lake Michigan water was frigid, the sand was warm and we brought books to read as we enjoyed the cool breeze. Since we hadn't planned on a beach stop, we didn't have towels or blankets and were on the sand itself.  I studied it with interest. The wind was moving it in ever-shifting patterns and the individual grains were more obvious than sometimes.  I could see a wide variety in colors and textures. I also knew that there was no way to ever count them all, not even just the ones collecting in my sandals.  It made me think about Moses 1:28 and how the descendants of Abraham would be more numerous than the grains of sand on the shore.  That is significant not just because there would be many, but because they would each be uni

  I have wanted to see the Texas bluebonnets for years and today that little dream came true.  I love that people keep planting them for others to enjoy and all the people out with families and animals to take pictures.  I was fortunate to go with some friends.  Some simple research came up with several different options for the legends of bluebonnets and this was my favorite: "The Legend of the Bluebonnet retells an old Texas tale about an unselfish young girl who loved the people of her Native American tribe so much that she sacrificed the most precious thing she had to help end the drought. Young She-Who-Is-Alone had lost her entire family to the drought that was plaguing the Comanche people. All she had to remember them by was a special doll that her parents had made for her. When the shaman said that the Great Spirits were angry with the selfishness of the people and would end the drought if the people would sacrifice their most valued possessions, the people hesitated. "

 Thomas Marsh was an early saint who, after the death of his son, began to have feelings of jealousy and anger over many issues including a dispute between his wife and another over skimming the cream from milk.  Eventually it led to his leaving the church.  More than 20 years later he returned with sorrow, and as a part of his request for reconciliation said the following in a letter to Heber C Kimball: "The Lord could get along very well without me and He … lost nothing by my falling out of the ranks; But O what have I lost?! Riches, greater riches than all this world or many planets like this could afford." While he was reconciled to the fold he lost out on many blessings in the interim. President Thomas S Monson cautioned, "Apropos are the words of the poet John Greenleaf Whittier: “Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: ‘It might have been!’”....we are all susceptible to those feelings which, if left unchecked, can lead to anger. We experience dis

 George has been working on a new patio for our backyard.   As he dug up the sod and prepared the soil for the new stones, he encountered some sprinkler lines.  They were a big hassle to dig out and part way through he wondered if he could just bury them.  He called his landscaper brother for advice.   He was told he could just bury them if he wanted,  but at some point they would probably leak and damage the entire foundation.   It is also true that in life,  even if it takes more work, we have to dig the junk out to have a secure foundation. We have to repent with the help of Jesus Christ.  In opening the 191st Annual General Conference on Saturday, April 3, President Nelson said as he has watched workers pull out old tree roots, plumbing, wiring and a leaky fountain, “I have thought about the need for each of us to remove, with the Savior’s help, the old debris in our lives.” In 1 John 2:1 we read, "My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. But if any

He is risen! What had seemed impossible was accomplished. We celebrate the glorious promise of life again.   Of hope again.   Of peace again.  F Melvin Hammond: "As we contemplate the events leading to the death of Jesus Christ, we tend to grieve for the awful sufferings which He experienced at the hands of wicked men—the terrible rending by the lash, the dreadful nails placed in His hands and feet, the prolonged agony of the cross, and finally His tender heart breaking for the sins of all men. But stop! He is not dead! He is risen! He is the first fruit of the resurrection. Without Him, life for all (people) would end at death. All would be consigned to the grave, their bodies to molder in the dust forever. But because of Him, our Savior, even Jesus Christ, the Son of the living God, we, every one of us, will live again—freed from the everlasting chains of death." In spite of the gloom and despair in the world around you, let the wonder and glory of this message sink in and

 In His words we find mercy, power and love. In His words we find solace and strength from above. In His words we are rescued, and led down the path; In His words we are promised all that He hath. In His words lie forgiveness, redemption and might; In His words death is conquered; forever there is light. In His words I find meaning, my purpose, my soul; In His words though I'm imperfect, with faith I can be whole.    In His words He leads and guides me, He shows me the way, So in my words and through my life, I'll follow Him  each day.  "For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved"  (John 3:17) "Thou sayest that I am a king. To this end was I born, and for this cause came I into the world, that I should bear witness unto the truth."  (John 18:37). "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do"  (Luke 23:34). "To day shalt thou be with me in paradise"  (Luke 23:43). &q

 It was time for the feast of the Passover.   Jesus asks Peter and John to go and prepare for it.   They asked him where they should go. He tells them to go into the city, and a man with a pitcher would show them.  He tells them what to say to the man and what to do.   Then in Luke 22:13 it says, "And they went, and found as he had said unto them: and they made ready the passover." They did exactly what Jesus had told them.  They had asked for directions, received instruction and they were obedient. That is what disciples do. And as a result they were able to sit at the table with the Savior for one last meal. They were there when he taught them of the fulfillment of the old law and the presentation of the new, higher law.  They partook in the first Holy Sacrament.  Even if they didn't yet fully understand it, they were still there.  He knew that as mortals it would be too easy for us to forget Him, so He put a remembrance in place.  He taught the new symbols of bread and

 In Matthew 18,  while teaching about forgiveness Jesus tells the parable of the debtors.  It's a familiar story to me and I've read it many times.  A servant owes a substantial sum of money.  He goes to the Lord to beg for mercy so that his possessions and family won't be taken from him.  But when I came to verse 27 this time, a phrase jumped out at me.  "Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt." He was MOVED with compassion.   He moved or changed his point of view.  He saw it differently.  He let the perspective change give him more information.  And that softened his heart and therefore his actions. It also "moved" him into action.  He forgave the debt.  (Unfortunately the debtor doesn't pay that forgiveness forward, but that's a lesson for another day). I wonder how often we try to be compassionate while refusing to consider any point of view besides our own.  We don't have to agre