Stronger Through Him

When I was about 10 years old, my friends and I were chatting in our primary class. One was telling us about a poor decision her brother had made the day before. When our teacher came in and asked what we were talking about, I asked her if she had heard what the boy had done.  She looked at us kindly and then said, "Please don't tell me if I don't need to know.  I would hate to always think about something negative every time I thought of him." Proverbs 31:26 reminds, "She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness." Avoiding gossip is not only kind to those whose reputations we would be speaking of, but also those who we would be burdening with harsh and unnecessary memories.  While I didn't get it perfectly and have definitely made mistakes and had to repent over the years, I have always been grateful for that lesson Sister Comstock taught me.

I wrote this during a particularly difficult time. Perhaps it will help someone else. My Glass Crawling through the desert, Surrounded by sand. The sun beats relentless Thirst my body's demand. Half full or half empty? I'm not sure anymore.  Sometimes I feel nothing Other times it's a roar.  I feel all alone Yet push away those who try. Striking out in anger   And setting markers too high.  My glass isn't just empty It cracked and then shattered What I knew now seems gone  Like it never even mattered.  My mind is now whirling  In what can I trust?  My foundations feel shaky Like I'll crumble to dust. But somewhere inside My tiny faith still hides. In a corner where I buried it  The only sure guides.  As I crawl to the edge Of His promised well I don't have a cup, I'm embarrassed to tell. He smiles gently  And simply says drink He uses his dipper  And fills to my brink.  He touches my brokenness He smoothes out each shard Each tiny edge softened  This process

 This week following a decision to rename more than 40 schools that were named after historical figures, a San Francisco school board member stated "we should not make heroes out of mortal folks."   I'm not debating that there aren't times to seriously consider the choices and ways we honor people, but this statement simply isn't true. It is because of Jesus Christ that we are able to look at the good that people have accomplished in spite of their flaws and weaknesses.  We can then learn from them and have patience in our own struggles to overcome our own weaknesses and also do good. Thomas S Monson taught: "In our selection of heroes, let us nominate also heroines." I love this because I have many heroines and heroes that have been role models for me.  He further stated: "Some may question: “But what is the value of such an illustrious list of heroes, even a private Hall of Fame?” I answer. When we obey, as did Adam, endure as did Job, teach as di

This week I've been feeling frustrated with illness and found myself saying, "Why do I always have to be sick?" And I was drawn back to this journal entry.  I wrote this from the hospital. The same hospital she had been to so many times she knew the room numbers and many staff members, many who had been providing care since her preemie birth at just 1 lb 3 oz.  This time, at 7 years old she had just had a life saving surgery for a retropharyngeal abscess.  "She is NOT happy to be here.  She said, "Mom, why did Jesus make sickness? Cause I've been sick even from when I was born. Sick was the first thing I was! I'm tired of being sick!"  So we talked about how maybe he doesn't make sicknesses, but he allows it.  We talked about all the good things she has seen when others help us. And how it feels to know others are praying for you.  We talked about how much stronger her body has gotten over the years. We talked about how our immune systems can on

  Having lived 2000 miles away from grandparents and family for most of our kids' lives we have made many cross country road trips.   Part of being in families is finding ways to get along and agree.  Part of parenting is sometimes making your kids do things that weren't necessarily their idea.  And sometimes things don't quite meet our expectations.  On this fine June day in 2013, we pulled off the road for a photo op in Potter, Nebraska. Because we are the Potters.  And let me tell you the kids were SUPER enthused.   The body slumping teenagers convinced their nine year old sister this was a terrible idea.  They griped and complained.  It was hot. And windy.  But they did it.  And the six year old even enjoyed an ice cream cone she picked out as her gas station treat.  George and I just laughed.  Because we were once teenagers too. Sometimes those road trips were long but the kids knew their grandparents and cousins waited on the other end.  They learned  that somethings

 In D&C 6:20 Jesus says, "Be faithful and diligent in keeping the commandments of God, and I will encircle thee in the arms of my love." In my mind I guess I thought diligent meant "keeping at it"  or that you follow through and don't quit.   But here is something new I learned- the word's origin actually means "to love or take delight in". I'll be honest.  Loving some of the commandments is easy.  Some of the others are much harder to learn to love.  And chances are your easiest and hardest are different than mine.   But if we are full of faith and take delight in and love the  commandments God gives us, His love will make a circle of protection around us. Now when I use the word protection I don't mean from having bad things happen.  You can guarantee they will.  But His love can protect us from letting those things destroy  or crush our spirits. Learning to recognize the loving arms of our Savior in our lives may be easier at some ti

 I am usually a fairly frugal person.  Sometimes probably too much so.  But I made a very intentional purchase last summer.  I wanted to remember the experience of studying and worshiping in our home as a family during this pandemic.  So I ordered this personalized Sacrament tray.  I wanted to remember Jett and Onyx trying to snag the pieces of bread when we closed our eyes to pray. And the laughter as we had to start over. I wanted to remember the kids asking deep questions and us searching the scriptures together. I wanted to remember Alex getting up in the middle of our meeting to heat up a cinnamon roll. Or Kyrie and Colton on lag time from Utah as we learned we couldn't all sing together on zoom.  Or all four kids bearing testimony following a difficulty our family endured and that each member was in a different place for healing and that was okay.   I wanted to remember that even when two strong willed people made marriage challenging,  that when we focused on Christ and how

 January-March is my least favorite time of year where we live.   It is cloudy and grey much of the time. The trees have lost their leaves and just seem stark and  bare against the browns and grays of the season.   The other morning I had just left an early appointment and decided to stop by the dam and go for a walk.  Just as I arrived, the sun came up and a beautiful glow crossed the treetops and took my breath away.  Adding to the splendor, the water reflected the color and I just stood their taking it in and then captured the beauty.  What a magnificent reminder of how in my own life, even when things seem cloudy and grey or I fear I have lost all my color that Jesus, the Son, can shine and reveal my hidden or forgotten beauty in ways I never thought possible.  In John 8:12 Jesus testifies, "I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in [the] darkness, but shall have the light of life.” Dieter F Uchtdorf added: "He who humbly follows Jesus Christ wil

 At one point in my life I ran an eBay consignment business.  One particular day I listed a box full of baby boy clothes that I anticipated getting around $40 for. Much to my surprise, and as would occasionally happen on eBay, a bidding war ensued and a lady in Texas ended up "winning" the clothes for about $200.   She promptly paid and I shipped the package  and was excited to have a bit of extra cash. "The money isn't yours."  The thought came clearly to my mind.  And then again.  "The money isn't yours.  Set it aside an you will know when to use it." Having learned in my life that those impressions shouldn't be ignored I literally set the cash aside and went about my life while watching and waiting.   A couple of different times I thought of ways I could share or be helpful but still felt I should wait.  Then one evening I got a call from a friend sharing her concern about a family that was in a difficult economic situation.  Her heart was y

 A few years ago I learned that my cousin Sheena and her family had moved to Illinois and lived a few hours from us.  Since we live far from other family and gathering with family has always been important to me I was excited. Then I found out that her sister, Karman was going to be coming with her family from Missouri for Thanksgiving.  I hadn't seen Karman in more than 20 years.  I got to see her whenever we visited my grandparents' farm which was a 9 hr drive.  Technically we are step-cousins but trampoline sleepovers, helping feed the calves, floating the canal and bike rides to Farmer's Corner for ice cream don't regard such unimportant details.  While I was closer to her older sister, she was my cousin and I had wonderful memories of growing up together.   We were friends on social media but it seemed like an opportunity too good to be true to introduce our families who spanned similar ages. And that's how we ended up driving to the other side of Chicago with

  My mom's friend shared this note her daughter left for her dad on the bathroom mirror.  She had lost the remote.  A seemingly small thing but she knew her dad would be disappointed.  And she hoped she would still be in his good graces.  She had searched for the remote but couldn't find it. So in the beautiful hand of a child she broke it down and scrawled it on the bathroom mirror where he would be sure to find it.  "There is bad news and good news. Bad news: we did not find the remote.  Good news: you are still my favorite dad." She closes it with a teary sad face and a heart to show her remorse and love. Isn't that what we are all saying at times?  Bad news and good news.  I've messed up again.  I've tried but I don't think I can fix it. But I really hope I'm still loved.  I really hope that hasn't changed.  These words in D&C 3:10 ring true: "But remember, God is merciful; therefore, repent of that which thou hast done which is co

Joseph Smith let Martin Harris take some pages.  The pages were lost.   Can you imagine going back to the Lord with that prayer? I know you said no.  I know you said it twice.  And then you let me. And now they are lost.  And everything is messed up.  How many of us have had the very same prayer? I know you had warned me. Even more than once.  And now here we are and I've messed up everything.  But it's just not true.  God is much bigger than even our biggest mistakes.  In D&C 3:1 we are reminded, "The works, and the designs, and the purposes of God cannot be frustrated, neither can they come to naught." I'm quite confident I sometimes frustrate Him.  And I get very frustrated myself.  But his plans will go forth.  Period.   His plans are straight forward.  We can count on their constancy.  And then he reiterates- in verse 3 "Remember, remember that it is not the work of God that is frustrated, but the work of men".   This must be important - we are

 The  movie "Greyhound"  tells the fictional, but historically accurate story of a captain of a warship tasked with the difficult job of leading a convoy of ships through a portion of the Atlantic which was outside the range of air support during World War II.   (Partial spoiler alert- I am going to talk about the film so if you want to watch it first stop here😊). Pilots in the air could see and attack the German U-boats from above but only had the fuel range to fly a certain distance from shores.  During the war, the U-boats destroyed more than 3500 allied ships, including unarmed merchants.   The ships would group into convoys to travel across the out of range portion of the journey which took about five days to cross.  The U-boats would group into "wolf packs" and generally attack at night when the ships lost visual support.   I don't want to ruin the story but the captain faces many losses and feels them incredibly deeply.  Even when his crew celebrates the

I  was walking a kindergartner back to class this week and just as I opened the door to her classroom an announcement blared over the speakers.  "Locked, lights, out of sight. This is a drill".  We practice various mandated drills but this one can be especially unsettling for young children who are scared of the dark.  The teacher is new so I stepped up to assist. We don't overly alarm them.  We just tell them we will always do everything we can to keep them safe.  We make it a game and fervently hope it will never be anything more than that.  With the lights flipped off and the door locked we gathered the kids in one corner of the classroom.   One little girl looked very nervous and started to tear up. "Look at my eyes.  Do I look scared?"  I shined my phone light on my face. "No." She took a deep breath with me and leaned her silky soft cheek against my arm. I could feel her small body relax. "Let me see," whispered another student.  I quic

 Joseph Smith said that he was "feeling condemned for his weaknesses and imperfections".  He pled for forgiveness.  He was visited by an angel who quoted many scriptures to him.  I also often feel condemned for my own weaknesses.  I also plead for forgiveness.  So as I was reading, I had the thought that if when Joseph asked, his answers were given through certain scriptures being quoted, that I should read those too. So I did.  With anticipation I made the list.   Malachi 3.   Malachi 4:1,5,6 Isaiah 11 Acts 3:22-23 Joel 2:28 I read them all.  And then I read them again.  Prophecies and Christ's judgement were themes that emerged but I had more questions than answers.  I was wishing I knew which verses in chapter 3 were the ones to focus on.  Or as Joseph said in JSH 1:41, "he quoted many other passages of scripture, and offered many explanations which cannot be mentioned here."  I was frustrated.  If the answers were given, why weren't they shared?  I asked

"Do I have to?" We have all heard that response.  And we have all given that response.  Generally to something that wouldn't be our first choice.  At school a student didn't feel like reading.  He asked, "Do I have to?" I heard my principal respond to this question with this reply: "You won't have to if you want to.  Find your why." She elaborated.  She said that there are going to be lots of times when we have things that need to be done that we might initially not feel like doing.  But if we can find our "why" or a good motivation and make it something we WANT to do it greatly changes our attitude and the outcome. I pondered on that for a couple of days.  It drew me back to a conversation I had with a group of friends a couple of months ago.  One friend said that while she spent a lot of time in her faith's church buildings she never thought it meant she had to be "good."   Another said that she followed

There was a certain teacher who loved teaching, connected well with her students, contributed all around the school community but had great difficulty remembering to take roll at the beginning of the day and submit it to the office.  She tried posting reminders. She assigned students (this was before phones and alarms), she got emails and personal conversations.   She still forgot. The secretary was frustrated because every day it held up the school wide attendance.  One day in frustration she complained to the principal.   The principal thought a moment and then looked at the secretary and said "She does an awful lot of good things for our community.  Why don't you just call down to her room each day, let it ring once, and she will remember." The secretary added in five seconds to her daily schedule which in turn saved her three minutes of waiting and complaining and allowed her to start her day positively offering a little grace.   Another teacher had the same issue of

 I was contemplating how I could possibly have so many learning moments covering  the car line  in the mornings. Perhaps it's because it's lots of people in a short time.  Perhaps it's because I'm not doing anything else but being present so I notice.   Perhaps it's because it's often in the little moments and the small interactions that we have the chance to make a difference.   One parent particularly impressed me yesterday.  Even though they divorced last year, as this parent started to pull away, they paused and rolled down the window to tell me that their children's mother's birthday was that day.   She works in our building in a small but important role and would never tell anyone.   Later, when I passed her in the hall and was able to wish her a happy birthday she lit up.  Her eyes got teary and she asked how I knew.   "I just know things.  And you are deeply cared about." Her smile stretched from ear to ear and she had a bit of a bounce

  One of my husband's most prized possessions is his sword he brought from Toledo (Spain, not Ohio) after his brother's wedding. It is part of our home security system.  At our old house it hung at the top of the stairs and he was ready to charge down them to defeat any intruders.   Swords forged from Toledo steel have been coveted and feared for centuries and were used by Hannibal, the Roman Legions, Muslims, the Japanese and of course by The Three Musketeers.   Made of superb alloys of soft and hard steel at a precise melting point of 1454 degrees F, this allowed for a super strong steel blade with a bit of give. But even if you have the very best sword that can be produced, every sword blade has three parts.   The forte, or strongest part, is just above the hilt, or handle. The middle region is ingeniously called "the middle".  Even I should remember that. But the part from the middle to the tip, is called the foible. The is the part where a weakness may lie.  It i

  When my great-great grandfather was out logging one day his horse fainted and fell upon him driving his axe into his chest just above his heart.  He had to ride back out on the log bed and then hike another 2 miles to their remote home collapsing in the kitchen. His wife, seeing his boots pooling with blood and the 5" gash in his chest knew only that she must stop the bleeding.  I imagine she was uttering prayers as she looked around the kitchen, told her daughter to get flour from the nearby bins and proceeded to pour it into the wound. The flour helped it clot and the bleeding stopped.   Within a few months he had regained his strength and was back on the mountain cutting timber.  I have a shelf full of stories, books and collections of my ancestors' stories.  I've glanced through them at times.  And dutifully added them to the shelf each time a new volume is assembled by a relative.  I am blessed in that regard.  Many people would love to have this much information av

When Colton was about 4 years old we were on our way to church.  I was watching out the window as we passed the flooded farmlands of southern Indiana when suddenly he spoke up from the back seat.  "Wait a minute! If Jesus said Joseph Smith shouldn't go to any churches why do we have to go?!!" We had a good laugh and have chuckled about it over the years.  Eight years later when he was teaching our Family Home Evening lesson about The First Vision, he asked 4-year old Ella.  "What happened when Joseph Smith prayed in the grove?" Without skipping a beat she smiled and said, "He got runned over!" We all burst into laughter as she looked at us with confusion, her little eyebrows scrunching up.  "If you pray in the road you will get runned over."  Colton corrected road to grove and the lesson continued.  We laughed many times as this became a favorite family story. In both cases they had incomplete understanding.  They needed more details, teachin

I have had the privilege of teaching children of many backgrounds, races, languages and cultures. When I taught preschool one of the kids' favorite things to do was to do class cheers. One day, as we were all piling our hands together one of the boys looked down and seeing our hands of various skin tones of black, brown and white, said with a smile, "It's a hand rainbow!  Isn't it beautiful?"   He was right.  It was beautiful.   President Russell M Nelson stated unequivocally in October General Conference: "I assure you that your standing before God is not determined by the color of your skin. Favor or disfavor with God is dependent upon your devotion to God and his commandments, and not the color of your skin.” He then issues this  plea: "Today, I call upon our members everywhere to lead out in abandoning attitudes and actions of prejudice.  I plead with you to promote respect for all of God’s children.”

 These used to be among my most difficult posts to write but they've become my favorite.  Only God can take my weaknesses and failures and turn them into something beautiful for someone else.  In case you need to feel better or at least have some solidarity, it's January 8th and I have successfully failed at all of my resolutions - including the one where I just pick a word. Why? Because humanity is a hard gig.  It just is. I'm choosing to be okay with that though.  You know why? Because I'm still facing the right direction.  I ate a banana for breakfast today and then a yogurt for lunch.  And then went ahead and ate the rest of the Dove Christmas chocolates to get them gone so I can start eating right.   I went to work and at car line I welcomed students with a cheerful smile dutifully reminding kids to put on their masks as required only to realize when I went inside I had forgotten mine.  No matter where you stand on masks I  am  sure you can see the obvious hypocris

 After several years of watching and saving and planning I purchased a Roomba vacuum.  We named her Rosie after the Jetsons' robot.  It was an excellent purchase that has drastically cut down on the hair from Jett and Onyx and made my life easier.  I love the dogs. They have saved this year for my girls. I hate the hair. Rosie actually runs twice during the day which also keeps the air cleaner and while my mom was visiting she even did a white sock test that Rosie passed with flying colors.   Occasionally I get a notification on my phone that Rosie has something caught. When that happens she shuts off and waits and I take care of it when I get home.  Or if school is in virtual phase I have the girls check it out. One day in December, I received the alarming notification that "Rosie is near a cliff and needs assistance".   Now I don't know about you but we don't have cliffs in our home.  (We don't even really have cliffs in our state. )  We do, however,  have t

  Two summers ago this group of cousins visited the US Capitol.   They come from different homes in different states.  They have differing beliefs and order their priorities differently.   Sometimes they argue, but they also forgive and move on.  None of them are perfect and every one of them is amazing.  Each in their own way.   And they would stand up for each other without hesitation.  They are family and they love each other.   I thought about them a lot today.  It made me physically ill to watch the assault on the capitol building.  Some days must be exceptionally hard for even the Savior to watch.  Watching us fight back and forth bickering and angry, declaring whose side is worse.  Who's been wronged the most.  Trying to prove how righteous we are by being the most cutting with our tongues or our keyboards.  Friend  against friend, sister against sister, father against son.  When the truth is He suffered for it all once before, so that we wouldn't have to, if we would ju

 My journal/blog- January 24, 2014 "We have been out of school a lot.  Going on a week right now." 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Perspective is everything isn't it?!! That seemed like a lot of missed school back then.  Day after day it was too cold or too snowy.   As we now head into eight months since normal school was held, it reminds me that my assessment of challenges and time is not perfect.   But Jesus knows. He understands.  And I can trust Him.  While my perspective is narrow, his is perfect.  Elder L Whitney Clayton taught, "God will always bless us for our steadfast obedience to His gospel and loyalty to His Church, but He rarely shows us His timetable for doing so in advance. He doesn’t show us the whole picture from the outset. That is where faith, hope, and trusting in the Lord come in."

I was reading through the accounts of Joseph Smith's first vision, and particularly studying the version written in his own hand and included in an autobiography in 1832.   Here is what Joseph said he knew about God that helped give him the faith to take his questions to him in prayer.    "For I looked upon the sun, the glorious luminary of the earth, and also the moon, rolling in their majesty through the heavens, and also the stars shining in their courses, and the earth also upon which I stood, and the beasts of the field, and the fowls of heaven, and the fish of the waters, and also man walking forth upon the face of the earth in majesty and in the strength of beauty, whose power and intelligence in governing the things which are so exceedingly great and marvelous, even in the likeness of him who created them.....My heart exclaimed, “All, all these bear testimony and bespeak an omnipotent and omnipresent power, a being who maketh laws and decreeth and bindeth all things in t

 One of the complications of Sjogren's Syndrome is cold hands and feet.  Inflammation impedes circulation making it more difficult to pump blood to my extremities.  On top of that since my immune system is overactive as soon as it drops below 50 degrees my body immediately goes into survival mode basically saying "forget the toes and fingers, we have to protect her organs." While this is helpful in true hypothermic situations, it's quite annoying and uncomfortable when I was just taking a walk around the block and now needle sharp pains are shooting through my hands and fingers.  I have bought and tried dozens of gloves and mittens with no relief.  I carry hand warmers with me and still the pain and cold is there. I soak my hands in warm water, I have tried lotions and I have tried wiggling my fingers to help create warmth and stop the cold from coming.  To no avail.   For Christmas, George gave me a battery powered heated vest, a heated mattress pad, and a new coat.

  We have taken multiple train trips across the country with many adventures along the way.  I love how excited my girls were in this picture taken in Colorado.  They feel safe and confident and eagerly awaiting all that lies ahead.  But the picture reminds me of a story of children taking a very different train ride.  Many years ago I listened to the testimony of a delightful sister from England who shared with our primary children her experiences as a young girl during the air raids of London in World War II.  She spoke of her mother hugging her tightly as she put her onto a train with hundreds of other children to be taken to the countryside for safe-keeping.  Her parents stayed behind to try and maintain employment and care of their home to the best of their ability.   I cautiously watched the children's faces making sure that the story wasn't too frightening but all I saw was quiet intrigue.  Finally,  she said that when her mom said goodbye she didn't feel terribly fr

 Matthew 5:14: "Ye are the light of the world". Sometimes we think that because of our pasts, our sorrows, our hurt and our discouragement we can't be a light. In truth our tears can bring about a beautiful and unique display of light that catches the hearts of others like nothing else could. Why? Because the source of the light is Jesus Christ.  Trust Him.  And let your beautiful, broken, precious light shine.

  Looking back through my journals I realize I've been setting the same New Year resolutions  with slight variances for more than 25 years. Only instead of it frustrating and beating me down like it has in the past I am seeing the humor and "realness" in my very human weaknesses.  My favorite were my attempts at getting in shape.  While taking care of my body is a good and worthy goal it is humorous to look at the ways our society has approached health and marketing over the years.  I tried to take a step aerobics class but stepped off the edge of the step and tore my meniscus leading to knee surgery.   I joined an aqua fitness class thinking it was basic water aerobics and ended up training in the pool next to Dan O'Brien who was preparing for the Barcelona Olympics. They had to give me my own lane because I was too slow and poorly conditioned to keep up.  I tried Sweating to the Oldies for a few days one January, ordered the VHS Tae Bo videos for another ...and then